No More Virgin Sex!

Hi Girlfriends,

There’s an axiom accepted among erotica writers that if you want to have great, exciting sex, you must be a virgin, or very close to it. Ergo – good sex only comes to those with very little experience.

What these writers are telling us, is that if you want to be excited about men, about sex, then you have to be clueless. And you’re only clueless for a very short time – when you’re in your early twenties. EARLY TWENTIES. After that, all the sixty-odd years of your life, it’ll all be gone. Poof. The excitement, the thrill, the OH-MY-GOSH sex – you can kiss it goodbye.

Well, I hate that axiom. And resent it. And most of all, I think it’s bullshit. Absolutely.

I looked and looked, and looked and looked, and couldn’t find one, ONE, female protagonist in an erotic story who was older than 27. Seriously. They were college students (BA, not Doctoral), or rookie cops, or budding something or other. And they ALL lacked any meaningful sexual experience.


The male counterparts, needless to say, were ALWAYS older. And more importantly – they were much more experienced in the art of screwing-till-smoke-comes-out-of-your-ears.


This single fact, the young age, ergo, lack of experience, talks louder and clearer than ANY story that builds around that character. Hell, it dictates the story, the rest of the characters, the setting.


What are all of these writers telling us? That sex after 30 is a boring, been-there-done-that experience? Or is it immoral because at 30 these women are supposed to be married? Are they telling us that sex is exciting only when you don’t know shit about shit? Or that it’s only going to be good for the first few years and then it will never be as exciting?


And what does that tell us about who we are, if we have to go back to when we were twenty in order to fantasize? Fuck that. Seriously.


Attorney Jordan Cohen, the protagonist of ASH’S FIRE, who’s having mind blowing sex – is forty-five year old!

So you ask, and rightly so, how come there are no decent erotic novels about hot women in their thirties and forties and fifties?

I can see two reasons for that:

Many writers are lazy or not that imaginative. It’s easier to describe your protagonist as having hot, exciting sex, if she’s never had a guy go down on her. He knows how to find a clitoris, whoop-de-do. Like that’s a big challenge.

The second reason, that they are brainwashed. This world of ours is misogynistic, and age-obsessed. We suffer, as a society, from this malignant illness called youth-ism. It’s a horrible disease. It’s symptom is that we don’t want to look at, or even imagine, naked women having sex, if they are over thirty. Somehow, we’ve all been taught – both men and women, that if she doesn’t have a tight ass and perky boobs she’s not fuckable, not hot. Not photogenic. Not deserving of being iconic. A sex goddess.

And here we see it again: the porn point of view, rearing its ugly head.

Well fuck you, world! (and I ain’t apologizing for my language, gals, this is important!)

Most of us do not look like our movie stars. We have cellulite. And our bellies stretched because we gave them kids. And yet, we are force-fed this poisonous diet of bright-eyed virgins even when we read erotica. Our erotica!

Shame on us. Shame, shame, for accepting that. For internalizing the porn point of view. And then we’re stuck with that shit, with that boring heroine who cannot tell her clit from her ear. Who’s deliberating whether to move out of the dorms. Is that who we are in our fantasies?

Tell the truth now: when you fantasize about the gorgeous guy telling you you’re the hottest thing since fire, right before he fucks you senseless, do you look like a twenty year old movie star? No, of course not. You look like you. Okay, a slightly improved you, ten pounds lighter and no cellulite. Not your twenty year old niece. And Hunky tells you that he loves you just the way you are. Am I right? Of course I’m right!

So if you were given a book where the protagonist is a female who is not young and not a size two and has plenty of sexual experience and she’s still having steam-coming-out-of-her-ears-sex, wouldn’t you love her? Root for her? See yourself in her? Abso-fucking-lutely!

So listen to me, and listen to me good: young women have nothing on us. We’re better at EVERYTHING, and we’re certainly better in the sack. We have more confidence, we know how to blow a guy, we know what we like and we’re not afraid to show it, hell, we are a MUCH better fuck. There are a lot of smart young guys who figured this out, by the way. And we MOST CERTAINLY get excited. It just takes imagination, is all.

So go, bang on your erotica writers’ door, and tell them this: No more virgin sex! Give me a real hot mama who gets fucked but good! Is there anything hotter?

Don’t forget to leave me comments, questions, hugs, swears, and anything else that comes to your sexy, fertile mind!


Yours as always,


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