I love reading erotica. But I get seriously pissed off when I read erotica that reads like porn on the page. There’s a HUGE difference between the two. And if you don’t know what it is – then I guess I’ll dedicate a separate post for it.
But for now, let me wail for a bit about a specific peeve of mine in erotica, a habit of writers that pisses me off, because it makes their writing sound like porn.
It’s called, ‘Orgasm on demand’ or what I named, ‘Come for me, baby’.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve read erotic scenes where the guy, a hot detective/billionaire/professor/cowboy utters this ridiculous sentence: “come for me, baby!”.
At which point the female protagonist, a correspondingly hot student/aspiring architect/rookie/you fill in the title, goes into orbit, screaming “Yes! God!” (his name is Brad or Judd or something, definitely not God), and immediately proceeds to an earth-shattering, cataclysmic orgasm to end all orgasms.
Have you read that scene as many times as I have? Sure you have. How do I know you do? Because you read erotica
Pay attention, girlfriends: she never says, “Not yet! You gotta give me more clitoral stimulation! No, not there, you idiot, three centimeters higher!”
So yeah, I hate that scene, it’s bullshit, it’s not real sex, and it is harmful for young women.
Women do not come on demand. We don’t have a switch that Handsome Honey throws, and then there is light. Males cannot control the arrival of female orgasms, they cannot will it into existence precisely when they deem it fit (or when they get tired what they’re supposed to do).
Moreover, unless their female partner gives them running commentary, like, ‘oh yes, oh yes, here I come!’ they will not know when that blessed of all events, an orgasm, will arrive. If we keep quiet, mostly likely they will not know – until that orgasm smacks them on the dick or in the face, depending on how we went about getting it.
There are no tell-tale signs if we hide them, there is no early physiological response, there is nothing that will indicate, “10 seconds to lift off, nine, eight, seven…”. Unless we narrate, they will not know. Period.
So whenever he says ‘come for me, baby’ where she didn’t say a thing right before that, and then she immediately comes – we know we’re being fed pure and utter crap.
Worse than that, when we read a scene like that and accept it as reality, it makes us feel inadequate. Because we know we can’t do it. So what do we do if a new guy utters that stupid sentence in real life? We do the courteous thing; we fake one for him. So he doesn’t feel inadequate. Because we are kind and we were all trained to preserve the fragile male ego. And that sucks (and not in a good way).
Worse yet, we should never be told to aspire to come on demand, because it is nothing more than some spectacular form of praise for our male partners. We are not there to stroke their egos, we are there to stroke for fun. We should come when it’s right for us. When it feels awesome. When our bodies are ready and happy to jump off that cliff. That’s when.
So why do our erotica books give us – and often – that “come for me, baby” scenario?
I believe that it’s because our authors have been brainwashed. Yeah, you got it, by men. The ‘Come for me, baby’ scenario is the written version of the oh-so-familiar scene of the barely-legal porn actress whose eyes are closed, her mouth open, and she’s screaming her fake pleasure to the camera, taking in a twelve inch dick in her butt. Porn for men.
And miserably, our erotica has become the softer version of that male entertainment and male aggrandizement (pun intended, or not, whatever).
I guess you figured it out by now that I hate porn, right? Well, I do, because it’s not arousing for women, it’s not hot. It’s all about hydraulics and lubrication. And when we dare say so, we seem uncool. And political and, God forbid, the F-word. That most un-sexy of all words in the English language – Feminist.
So listen up, women: that female protagonist in your erotica novel who comes on demand is not for you. She is essentially an adaptation of the male fantasy. So don’t agree to build your fantasy on her. It’s NOT YOUR JOB to make men feel omnipotent when you read erotica. Least of all when you read erotica. That kind of stuff is UNFIT for female consumption.
What to do? When you see a ‘come for me, baby’ scene in your erotica novel, go shout at your writer (or you can write her a polite letter, if you’re not an Israeli, like me). Tell her, “Are you writing for me?? Really??” And start demanding better-fitting erotic writing, writing that is tailored for you – a woman.
Wait for the second part of this post, I got LOTS more to say on the subject… (yeah, right, BIG surprise…).
Don’t hesitate to leave me comments, questions, hugs, swears, and anything else that comes to your sexy, fertile mind!
Lots of love,